Today’s bonus episode guest is Marissa Nelson, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist and sexuality educator at IntimacyIVF.
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Marissa and Heather discuss how your own childhood affects your infertility journey as a couple:
INTRODUCTION
- I’d like to start by hearing a little bit about you. Tell us about your academic background and training, where you work, what the organization does, and what you do. [NOT your full career. Will be asked separately.]
- I understand that you are an attachment-based therapist. Can you explain what that is?
- Why did you choose this career?
- Take us through the rest of your career and how you got where you are today.
- I understand you went through your own infertility journey. Can you tell us about that?
YOUR CHILDHOOD & JOURNEY
- How can a person become aware of his or her individual unmet emotional needs?
- Once you have this awareness of your individual emotional needs and triggers, how does this relate to the couples dynamic during infertility?
- Can you give us some scenarios of how this can play out?
- One of the things couples talk a lot about is dealing with guilt and shame, which you say can be traced back to triggers in childhood. How can they start to manage these emotions?
- Couples’ communication during infertility can really cause a breakdown in their romantic intimacy. What are some of the common causes of disconnection, and can you talk more in-depth about one of them?
- Many times, external factors, like a parent or friend making insensitive comments, play a key role in couples’ distress. Can you talk about how this plays into the infertility journey?
- Many of our listeners find themselves locked in the negative spiral of being emotionally disconnected. What are the first steps to turning it around?
- I understand that you also relate attachment theory to a person’s individual sexual template. Could you talk about that?
- Many couples find themselves stuck in a rut because trying to conceive can become routine. Can you talk about the sexual cycle?
- Oftentimes, one partner can have higher sexual “appetite” than the other, and the topic of sex can feel like a tug of war instead of a mutual sexual connection. How can couples safely navigate these differences in desire?
- What are a few tips that couples can use to co-create more satisfying sexual intimacy?
- The two-week wait seems to be a time when couples’ distress peaks. Can you talk a bit about why that is? What advice do you have for couples at this stage?
- I understand that many of your clients continue to see you even after they have a positive pregnancy outcome. Can you talk about why that is?
- What is the goal of couples therapy after having a baby?
- What issue would you like to see resolved either fully or significantly in the next 10 years?
- Is there anything else you’d like to add?
WRAPPING UP
- What words of hope would you offer to infertility warriors who are experiencing a disconnect with their partner?