Same-Sex Couple: Annie’s Story [SUCCESS]

June 4, 2018

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Today’s success story is about a woman named Annie. She is a 39-year-old professor who enjoys cycling and taking care of her son. When she and her wife decided it was time to build their family, they knew Annie would be the one to carry the baby. However, after three failed IUIs and a cancelled IVF cycle due to lack of response to stimulation, they determined stimulating her wife’s ovaries would be the best route to take. Join us to hear how Annie and her wife made several big decisions, including selecting their sperm bank and donor, financing fertility treatments, and going through IVF as a same-sex couple in a conservative state, all of which culminated in the birth of their son.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Before infertility, Annie was career-oriented, very driven, and had a positive outlook on life
  • How she met her wife when they were doing research at a university, becoming friends first before dating and falling in love
  • As a couple, they’ve been married almost three years and are very different, but complement each other well
  • Annie knew she wanted to be a mom, but was in no rush, because she wanted to establish her career first
  • Choosing the sperm bank, the donor, and starting IUI’s
  • Three IUI’s, no success, and mounting costs
  • The switch to use her wife’s eggs and to choose a new sperm donor that was more like Annie
  • Applying and receiving a grant from the Baby Quest Foundation for IVF
  • A closer look at choosing the sperm bank and donor: the options, the ethics considerations, and the questionnaire
  • Deciding who would carry the child and whose eggs would be used
  • Receiving the Baby Quest grant, when there isn’t much support available for same-sex couples. The grant covered about $5K in medications and about $5K toward IVF costs
  • Very few procedures were covered by insurance, so they used savings the rest of the costs
  • Initial concerns about the rights of a child with two mothers, before the Supreme Court’s 2015 decision about gay rights
  • The difficulty in learning that her eggs weren’t viable
  • Never losing hope and always keeping adoption on the table as an option
  • A fond memory of finding out she was pregnant, but was careful not to get her hopes up
  • Balancing work and fertility treatments as university professors with flexible schedules
  • The relationship with her wife remained strong throughout the process and friends and family were very supportive
  • How Annie advocated for herself, even when the clinic got things mixed up. It required persistence, and her tip for others is: “Don’t be afraid to ask for help or more information.”
  • Why Annie refuses to let herself be defined by her infertility
  • Annie’s advice to herself back then: “Don’t be so hesitant about IVF. Just go for it. Having a child is the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to us.”

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