Dual Factor Infertility: Lauri’s Story [SUCCESS]

May 14, 2018

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Today’s success story is about a woman named Lauri. She is a 41-year-old author of Sheer Willpower who enjoys knitting. About a year after receiving a male factor infertility diagnosis, Lauri and her husband registered with an agency with the hope of adopting abroad. Unfortunately, the agency misled them and the adoption ultimately failed. Instead, they turned to IVF. Each transfer, however, resulted in a miscarriage. In fact, her second pregnancy was ectopic and ended with emergency surgery and removal of her left tube. Join us to hear how Lauri and her husband pursued domestic adoption while waiting for her to recover from surgery and held their newborn daughter only a few months later.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Lauri’s days now consist of going to the bus stop with her kindergarten daughter, working on her laptop, and knitting
  • Before infertility, she was naïve, more analytical, and trusted more freely. “I had a comfortable life until infertility became a roadblock.”
  • How she and her husband met at work and shared their feelings about adoption
  • As a couple, he tempers her excitement with a level head; they are firmly united and work well as a team
  • She wanted to adopt a child after watching a 20/20 news report about orphanages in eastern Europe
  • She feels like she sacrificed everything for the path to parenthood
  • Since the male factor infertility diagnosis existed, they knew natural pregnancy wasn’t an option, so they did vigorous research and pursued foreign adoption
  • After finding a program in Morocco, they were grossly misled, traveled there in vain, and spent two weeks watching their adoption fall apart
  • How they came back home, mourned, grieved, reassessed, and turned to IVF
  • Her husband had a procedure to extract sperm that turned into several days in the hospital
  • The first IVF round was successful but ended with miscarriage a few weeks later
  • The second round yielded another pregnancy, but the ultrasound showed an ectopic pregnancy
  • The shot to induce miscarriage that didn’t work, then two more shots, then a middle-of-the-night bleeding episode that became a turning point for Lauri and resulted in emergency life-saving surgery
  • Within 8 weeks, they were selected by a young couple to adopt their baby, and then 8 weeks later, they held their daughter for the first time
  • Lauri’s initial impression of the IVF clinic, where she trusted the doctor immediately and felt very supported in this positive experience
  • Dealing with the expectation vs. reality: “Some days were easier than others.”
  • Why Lauri never really lost all hope but kept looking ahead to the next move on the journey
  • A fond memory of a horrific medical emergency when Lauri felt alone and terrified, but felt “a moment of calm, peace, and ethereal acceptance.”
  • Why Lauri was too scared to get excited about adoption, always living with the fear that the birth parents would change their minds
  • Balancing work, fertility treatments, and adoption
  • Lauri’s tip for dealing with a boss and coworkers about your treatment: “Go with your gut about what to reveal. Honesty is best.”
  • How Lauri had saved for adoption for years, but paid for everything out-of-pocket, with no insurance coverage to help
  • How her relationship with her husband grew closer through infertility
  • Why her friends and family were mostly supportive, but she found it difficult to be surrounded by children everywhere
  • How she had to learn to advocate for herself, which was a great lesson learned
  • Lauri’s tip for advocating for yourself: “Trust your intuition. If you’re being rushed, then let that be a red flag. Predetermine your Plan B to Plan Z.”
  • Lauri’s book was a healing journal to combat the stigma and shame of infertility—because she wanted to be a voice
  • How infertility changed Lauri: “The entire experience opened my eyes to realities I hadn’t acknowledged. I don’t take things at face value, and I’m a bit more analytical. My sense of gratitude is greater. My difficulty in reaching parenthood has me recognizing and savoring these moments with my daughter. I’m so fortunate and honored to be her mom.”
  • Lauri’s advice to herself back then: “Keep moving forward with every obstacle. Find a way to figure out what’s next.”

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