Living Child-Free After DOR: Ariane’s Story [SUCCESS]

90: Living Child-Free After DOR [SUCCESS]

Today’s Guest:

Today’s success story is about a woman named Ariane. Before infertility, she was an achiever who was always giving 110%, but empathy wasn’t one of her strengths. She married her husband at a young age, and they’ve now been married for 11 years. They have a playful relationship and support each other’s individual growth and passions. They started trying to conceive in the spring of 2014 and got pregnant relatively quickly but miscarried at 6 weeks. About 15 months later, a week before they planned to undergo fertility testing with her OB, they learned they were pregnant again, which unfortunately also ended in a miscarriage. Join us to hear how a shocking diagnosis led to the recommendation to pursue donor egg IVF, how her empathy for others grew immensely, and how they ultimately decided to remain child-free.

Episode Sponsor:

Fertility Centers of Illinois

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • At age 31, Ariane is a commercial interior designer who co-chairs a sustainability council in her industry
  • She loves hiking, camping, backpacking, and has recently taken up weaving
  • Before infertility, she was an achiever who was goal-oriented and not concerned with self-care or empathy
  • How she met her husband while on a trip to MN during high school
  • As a couple, they love being together and are a good balance of personalities
  • A quick pregnancy after only trying for 3 months, but a miscarriage, then another miscarriage about 18 months later
  • Beginning the testing process with Ariane’s obstetrician
  • Research on the test results and the first RE appointment
  • A depressing reality check when the RE recommended donor egg IVF at the first appointment
  • Where do we go next?
  • Losing all hope for the future while still grieving the second miscarriage loss
  • Fertility and pregnancy loss therapy and how Ariane found “hope that I could be happy and live a beautiful life without a biological child”
  • A fond memory: Waiting for Baby Bird’s blogpost called “Men are Like Waffles
  • Clomid cycle, Femara cycle, acupuncture, and herbal teas
  • Balancing work, treatment, and losses
  • The life-changing 6,300 mile epic road trip from MN to CA: Ariane’s vision quest
  • Allowing yourself “to feel what you feel”—even the dark, messy feelings
  • Considering other options but coming to terms with a child-free life
  • Choosing a Plan B, reframing thinking, and taking control back from infertility
  • Advice for others: “Talk about ALL of your options. Imagine your life with a different choice, but include child-free as a possibility and think about what you can do in your life that you love to do.”
  • How infertility has changed Ariane: “I have a lot more empathy. I’m more awake to the reality that people go through hard things. I’m much more present and have learned to enjoy the moment.”
  • Ariane’s advice to herself back then: “Find the little things that are positive in your day. It makes the rough days easier.”

Words of Hope:

You are already a family with your significant other. Having a baby doesn't make you a family. Click To Tweet


Enjoy This Episode?

Share it using the social media buttons you see at the top or bottom of this post.
* Make a one-time or ongoing donation to the show.
* Tell your fertility clinic and/or in-person support group about the show.
* Leave a review on iTunes to bring awareness of the show to others.

For other ways to support the show, click here.


Thank you so much for listening this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Leave a note in the comment section below!