Today’s success story is about a woman named Ariane. Before infertility, she was an achiever who was always giving 110%, but empathy wasn’t one of her strengths. She married her husband at a young age, and they’ve now been married for 11 years. They have a playful relationship and support each other’s individual growth and passions. They started trying to conceive in the spring of 2014 and got pregnant relatively quickly but miscarried at 6 weeks. About 15 months later, a week before they planned to undergo fertility testing with her OB, they learned they were pregnant again, which unfortunately also ended in a miscarriage. Join us to hear how a shocking diagnosis led to the recommendation to pursue donor egg IVF, how her empathy for others grew immensely, and how they ultimately decided to remain child-free.
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- At age 31, Ariane is a commercial interior designer who co-chairs a sustainability council in her industry
- She loves hiking, camping, backpacking, and has recently taken up weaving
- Before infertility, she was an achiever who was goal-oriented and not concerned with self-care or empathy
- How she met her husband while on a trip to MN during high school
- As a couple, they love being together and are a good balance of personalities
- A quick pregnancy after only trying for 3 months, but a miscarriage, then another miscarriage about 18 months later
- Beginning the testing process with Ariane’s obstetrician
- Research on the test results and the first RE appointment
- A depressing reality check when the RE recommended donor egg IVF at the first appointment
- Where do we go next?
- Losing all hope for the future while still grieving the second miscarriage loss
- Fertility and pregnancy loss therapy and how Ariane found “hope that I could be happy and live a beautiful life without a biological child”
- A fond memory: Waiting for Baby Bird’s blogpost called “Men are Like Waffles”
- Clomid cycle, Femara cycle, acupuncture, and herbal teas
- Balancing work, treatment, and losses
- The life-changing 6,300 mile epic road trip from MN to CA: Ariane’s vision quest
- Allowing yourself “to feel what you feel”—even the dark, messy feelings
- Considering other options but coming to terms with a child-free life
- Choosing a Plan B, reframing thinking, and taking control back from infertility
- Advice for others: “Talk about ALL of your options. Imagine your life with a different choice, but include child-free as a possibility and think about what you can do in your life that you love to do.”
- How infertility has changed Ariane: “I have a lot more empathy. I’m more awake to the reality that people go through hard things. I’m much more present and have learned to enjoy the moment.”
- Ariane’s advice to herself back then: “Find the little things that are positive in your day. It makes the rough days easier.”
Words of Hope:You are already a family with your significant other. Having a baby doesn't make you a family. Click To Tweet
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
- Information about diminished ovarian reserve
- Beat Infertility private group: Living Life Childfull (must be a member of the overall community to join)
- Ariane’s blog: Get Lost North
- Making Babies: A Proven 3-Month Program for Maximum Fertility by Sami S. David and Jill Blakeway
- IF Childfree on Reddit
- The Rinky-Dink Life
- Married Without Children podcast
- How Do We Get Here podcast
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