Living Child-Free After DOR: Ariane’s Story [SUCCESS]

September 4, 2017

Topics in this episode:

Today’s success story is about a woman named Ariane. Before infertility, she was an achiever who was always giving 110%, but empathy wasn’t one of her strengths. She married her husband at a young age, and they’ve now been married for 11 years. They have a playful relationship and support each other’s individual growth and passions. They started trying to conceive in the spring of 2014 and got pregnant relatively quickly but miscarried at 6 weeks. About 15 months later, a week before they planned to undergo fertility testing with her OB, they learned they were pregnant again, which unfortunately also ended in a miscarriage. Join us to hear how a shocking diagnosis led to the recommendation to pursue donor egg IVF, how her empathy for others grew immensely, and how they ultimately decided to remain child-free.

Episode Sponsor:

Fertility Centers of Illinois
What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • At age 31, Ariane is a commercial interior designer who co-chairs a sustainability council in her industry
  • She loves hiking, camping, backpacking, and has recently taken up weaving
  • Before infertility, she was an achiever who was goal-oriented and not concerned with self-care or empathy
  • How she met her husband while on a trip to MN during high school
  • As a couple, they love being together and are a good balance of personalities
  • A quick pregnancy after only trying for 3 months, but a miscarriage, then another miscarriage about 18 months later
  • Beginning the testing process with Ariane’s obstetrician
  • Research on the test results and the first RE appointment
  • A depressing reality check when the RE recommended donor egg IVF at the first appointment
  • Where do we go next?
  • Losing all hope for the future while still grieving the second miscarriage loss
  • Fertility and pregnancy loss therapy and how Ariane found “hope that I could be happy and live a beautiful life without a biological child”
  • A fond memory: Waiting for Baby Bird’s blogpost called “Men are Like Waffles
  • Clomid cycle, Femara cycle, acupuncture, and herbal teas
  • Balancing work, treatment, and losses
  • The life-changing 6,300 mile epic road trip from MN to CA: Ariane’s vision quest
  • Allowing yourself “to feel what you feel”—even the dark, messy feelings
  • Considering other options but coming to terms with a child-free life
  • Choosing a Plan B, reframing thinking, and taking control back from infertility
  • Advice for others: “Talk about ALL of your options. Imagine your life with a different choice, but include child-free as a possibility and think about what you can do in your life that you love to do.”
  • How infertility has changed Ariane: “I have a lot more empathy. I’m more awake to the reality that people go through hard things. I’m much more present and have learned to enjoy the moment.”
  • Ariane’s advice to herself back then: “Find the little things that are positive in your day. It makes the rough days easier.”

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Words of Hope:

You are already a family with your significant other. Having a baby doesn't make you a family. Click To Tweet


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